Reigns (for iPhone)

By Max Eddy

During the course of working on this review, I've gone through a number of possible descriptions for Reigns, a brilliant adventure game for iPhone and Android. "It's like Tinder, but for brutal autocracies." Or perhaps, " Dark Souls meets a pixelated version of Wolf Hall." Or maybe, "Like Snapchat, but for the Hundred Years War." Whatever you want to call it, it's a devilishly difficult adventure game disguised as an addictive casual game. It's the best (and occasionally the worst) of both those things, with simple and addictive __play that's surprisingly deep, given its inherent limitations.

House of Cards
Reigns is available for both Android and iOS devices on their respective app stores. If you're more of a PC gamer, you can snag the game for macOS or Windows from Steam. The game is definitely in the adventure and strategy department, though its design is very boardgame-like.

Though some might balk at the price tag of $2.99, you get the whole game with no ads or microtransactions. Plus, it works offline, which is great for whiling away a few hours on the subway or when you're lost in the cold, damp-stoned labyrinth far beneath your castle. I played through the game on my iPhone 6.

Note that Reigns is an entirely solo game. If you're looking for a more social, card-based experience, Hearthstone should scratch that itch. There's also the excellent Spaceteam, which requires that players save a spaceship by acting like fools in the same room.

Swipe Right Giveth, Swipe Left Taketh Away
Each game begins with you taking the role of a new king (unfortunately, you don't get the option to be a queen), after the previous king has died. You don't get to choose a name or a character for reasons that will become clear to you. This is fine, since most royal houses only have so many names to choose from, anyhow. Also, you'll be dead soon.

You're then presented with a deck of cards. The top flips over and the game begins. A character, perhaps a monk, your executioner, a princess, or the devil, presents your royal highness with a problem that only your divinely inspired mind can tackle. Perhaps a major matter of state, an invitation to war, or your faithful hound asking to be taken for its regal walk. Each card is rendered in an abstract, pixelated style. It's reminiscent of retro games, to be sure, but has a uniquely iconic look. This isn't a homespun effort, mind you. Reigns looks great and plays smoothly.

Swiping the card to the right answers the question one way, and swiping to the left another. Your decision isn't final until you lift your thumb, and it pays to toggle back and forth as the game shows a brief description of your response when you do. It's a simple system reminiscent of Tinder, and, like Tinder, usually has horrible, unforeseeable consequences.

Each decision you make raises or lowers one or more of four stats, including Religion, your Subjects (read: the unwashed masses), the Military, and Money. If any one of these drops to zero, the game ends. If any one of them hits the maximum, the game ends, too—usually in the horrible death of the king (you). This frequently forces you to make decisions against your better judgment, or desires, and it keeps the game challenging. You may not want to oppress the women of the village, but the Church says they're witches and you're on the verge of a Pagan uprising. If your religion stat is dangerously low, it's time to call for the Inquisition!

Too much or too little of any stat triggers a variety of different deaths. Perhaps you'll be killed by a rampaging mob after forsaking your people. Perhaps the Merchants will end up owning everything and you'll be left with nothing more than a title. Perhaps you'll get so rich that you eat yourself to death at a lavish banquet. These are just a few of the many, many ways you can and will die in Reigns.

Regicide, Again and Again
I failed to pay attention to the church, and my castle was ransacked by pagans. I ceded too much control the church and it seized control. I ran out of money and died alone in the ruins of my throne room with pigeons as my only companions. I made too much money and ate myself to death at a lavish dinner thrown in my honor. I entered a newly discovered dungeon beneath the castle, where swiping left and right let me choose a path and hopefully escape to freedom, but instead I starved to death. I allowed dangerous medical research on prisoners, and rotted after the outbreak of a plague. And so on.

But dying isn't the end. The king (you) might be dead, but long live the next king (also you). After a quick screen showing the length of your reign, a new king takes the throne to try his hand at ruling. You can collect deaths, which makes Reigns similar to Survive! Mola Mola. You can browse the different death cards, along with the different character cards, in the Reigns menu after you unlock them.

There are several ways to stave off the inevitable, cold, vise grip of death. You can authorize the construction of barns and hospitals, which can stave off certain kinds of problems. These improvements last for several reigns, too. You can also discover items and foodstuffs that modify how the game works, such as displaying how each swipe will affect your stats before you take it.

A good, long reign is a good thing. And you do get achievements for staying in power. Still, the point is to try different actions for different results. King Edward may have been generous to the peasants, but next in line William takes a firmer hand. Both have different outcomes and a different life as a result. The competitive aspect of Reigns is in the length of your, well, reign. The longer you rule, the better your score on the shared leaderboard.

Your only guidance in the game is a loose narrative built around certain milestone challenges. Complete one of these challenges and the game dutifully serves you another. Most of these drive a central story revolving around a deal with the devil, your family, various secret plots, and the future of your kingdom. It doesn't seem possible to unlock all of them in one go, as some happen only on certain years and others may require wildly different decision trees.

So you die, and reign, and die, and reign, again and again.

Blissful Frustration
Reigns does a superb job of wringing all the possibilities out of its swipe-left-or-right mechanic. You primarily use it to make decisions, but it's also used to advance dialog or carry on conversations. Other times it's used for navigation, picking between two different paths. Throughout the game, you're challenged to duels, which are a matter of attacking or feinting with left or right swipes.

I suppose you could mindlessly swipe through the game, even though doing so assures your rule will end in the blink of an eye. You'll want to go slowly because of the game's wickedly funny writing. Though your interactions are generally shorter than even the pithiest Tweet, Reigns' developers make every word count. "I'm a serial killer," a member of your court informs you. You respond: "You're the executioner!" The strength of the writing makes it all the more affecting when surprising and occasionally supernatural events take over the game.

The game is often brutally difficult, which is to be expected in a game where you die, die, and die again. The game's one drawback is that the central concept of learning from your mistakes, or at least trying different approaches during each reign, can become tedious and frustrating over time. It's especially true after you've seen nearly every card the game has to offer. There are only so many times you can still be amused at your jester's bizarre behavior. Frustration then leads to sloppy play, and not taking into account what you did previously, which leads to shorter reigns.

And remembering what you did before is critical, because unlike brutally difficult games like Super Hexagon and the infamous Flappy Bird, you don't necessarily get better at Reigns over time. There's no skill to learn, just different choices to make.

That said, it took me weeks to get to the point where I had to set the game down, and a healthy break from the game did reinvigorate my interest. Also, the game's developer recently announced that new cards and challenges will be coming out soon.

Hail to the King, Baby
Despite my occasional frustration with the game, I still heartily recommend Reigns. It uses simple mechanics to tell a bizarre, witty story that's a true challenge to play. Frustration is assured, and perhaps part of the experience, but fast offline __play and upfront pricing means that after some time away, you'll want to come back. Hopefully I'll be able to advance myself, and finally complete my latest challenge and "arrange a bestial honeymoon."